Yesterday was probably the last Christmas I will have with my family for a long time. It was special, but there was a sense of apprehension too. Everyone knew it would soon be over. My mother feared for how much she would miss me. My dad regretted not spending enough time with me as a child. My aunt and I worried for the future: how would my parent's relationship survive without me?
It's tough not to feel daunted when you know you are soon to be moving on. Today, I plan on sending off my Common App. My only hope is that somewhere in America wants me as much as I want them. I got my SAT results this week and it really hit home that I will be gone from here soon. I am scared, I'll admit. I have no real safety net, except home. But home is not a place I want to be after September. I want a new life and a new world. I want Rhode Island, or New Hampshire. I want Boston. I want white Christmases. I don't want to go to Bristol, or UEA, or Exeter, even though I know they are all wonderful places to get your degree. I just... No bone in my body wants to remain here, except for the single vertebrae that reminds me how scary my crazy plans are and creates all these fears in my mind about the future.
I think about how big a change it will be all the time. It is constantly at the back of my mind, but I always have to remember a little something my darling Madeline once said to me: "Any story worth telling starts where your comfort zone ends!" So I am ready. Today, I will stop holding back and putting it off. I want America. And I want this future. And I am ready to make it happen.
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