So, I have wonderful news.
The other day (July 6) I received my IB results. Let me tell you the story of that day... It was insane.
First off, it has to be said, I didn't let my parents know that it was results day. I was scared shitless and they always seem to up my anxiety levels so therefore I thought it best for my own sanity to leave them in the dark a little bit. I remained vague whenever they asked me how far away the day was. However, I did tell my aunt, mainly because I think I would have died if I was the only one in my house going through this mega-insane level of stress for a day.
So my mum woke me up for church that morning and as soon as she did, the phone started ringing. She picked up the phone whilst in the room and spoke to a friend. The news, which was assumed because it was so early in the morning, was that a friend of my parents had died. This friend lived in Reading and had known them since they first moved to the UK so it was pretty intense to find out. She decided that they would probably spend their evening driving up to Reading, since my dad would be away on business from the day after and they therefore wouldn't have a chance the rest of the week. I still said nothing. I thought it would be better that way because I could tell them once I had recovered.
At church, my mum was in charge of creche so wouldn't be coming to the service with me. I knew with the lack of sleep I had the night before (two to three hours max.) that I would be a hysterical mess so I stayed with my mum. No kids showed up so I spent the hour or so playing basketball, which was good and distracting. That day also happened to be the annual barbecue at church, which required the same hall for seating. After a while, we started setting up just to be of some use to someone. All the while I was texting my friend, just as panicky as I was, about how soon results were.
Once the service was over I went to meet up with my friends. I felt like I constantly had the most serious case of the shakes, it was awful. Luckily, I ended up speaking to one of my older friends about results and university and other such etceteras which made me feel somewhat better about it, but also worse. She told me about being accepted to an Oxford course that she didn't want and ending up going elsewhere. All I could think of was how badly I wanted to get into my firm. Not that King's is a bad uni, I just could never picture myself there. It was comforting though, I liked speaking to her.
Anyway as the barbecue went on, I was wary of the time. I knew my results would be released at 2.45 so made sure I had left by 2.15. The tram came quickly and by the time I got home I was a ball of anxiety. I picked up my laptop from my room and headed upstairs. There was a bottle of rosé next to my bed and I downed all the remnants, my fear levels making me feel close to vomiting. I loaded up the website and typed in my details (which I had actually lost the day before. That freaked me the fuck out.) then sat there for a while unsure what to do. I distracted myself by checking out lookbook and replying to some texts but it was becoming harder and harder to keep myself from thinking about the results, after all, I was now in the final few minutes of the countdown. So I logged in, a few minutes earlier than I planned just to adapt myself to the site's interface.
Then, the fear hit me. So hard. I had to get away so I hurried back downstairs and started acting like nothing was happening. My aunt spotted the time and looked at me both alarmed and sympathetically. It was 2.45 now and she was questioning why I wasn't checking my results. Silently though, because my parents were still around and she was keeping the secret. I was escorted upstairs and after a good few minutes of psyching myself up and taking deep breaths, I clicked on the link that read 'Results'. I scrolled down the screen straight away, not caring about my individual marks... I just wanted to know my total! I saw a 7 while I was scrolling past though and was mildly relieved. But I finally found it. 40 points. I got 40 points!
I was so fucking excited and all because I did it. I got 40 points out of 45! I had never felt more relieved in my life. It was literally the best news in my life ever. After such a monstrously stressful day, it was such an amazing feeling to know that those two years of my life had not been wasted. And to know that I had got into UCL. It was only confirmed today but I've done it, I'm going to UCL and I'm doing the course I love and I'm going to be able to go to America for a year and hopefully my friends will make it there too and it will be amazing.
Basically, that's my news. I'm going to UCL. I got in and I'm secure. I know what I'm doing for the next four years and I feel so excited about it! I'm looking forward to doing what I thought I couldn't, what I expected I wouldn't manage. Life is fabulous right now and I'm going to be in the clouds for the rest of the summer. EEEEEEEEEEE excited!
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